Expecting it My Way

When everything is rolling along, looking good, lining up as hoped for, I start to create expectations and narratives of how the future will play out.

Then, snafu, something unexpected happens, fear sets in and the narratives turn from sunny to dark. Turmoil starts in my mind and immediately, I want to retreat or lash out in angry frustration.

I am a princess in this way, wanting all to go how I had made it up in my mind. I want to be in control and “know” how things are going to roll out in its perfect way. I want to see how things are coming because this gives me a sense of security.

But, the Universe has  more wise way of rolling out my life and, as always, it has taken over the reigns. I was pouty and upset but this time, I am saying: ” Ok, then, fuck it, just take over, do what you want to do, you know best anyway, right? ”

I thought my part-time job would go a certain way. I thought when someone said, “I really enjoy getting together with you”, they would put an effort into getting together with you.

I fight these things to make them go my way. But, what if the Universe knows better. What if there is something better, waiting for me and the only way to get it is by letting go of expectations, my expectations.

I asked for the strength to let go today.

Making Room for What You Desire

For something better to enter your life, you first need to let go of what you are presently holding on to.

Over the past few years, I have become aware that it is only when I first let something go that what I truly desire magically appears in my life.  I use to hold on to the belief that I should wait for something to show up to replace the current situation I was in.  Whether it be a job, a relationship, or even something like a car or a new jacket.  When I made the decision to leave, move on or let go of the object, then, and only then, did something new appear.

I truly desire to amass great wealth and financial abundance.  In the past, this always felt greedy and gave off a sense of entitlement.  People with money throw there power and influence around. They spend money on crap they don’t need.  Obviously, this was me when I had more money. It was great being supported in lavish ways.  I still like it actually-I won’t kid myself or you.

But, I see that money can afford me so many things-a reliable car, a place to live, good food to eat, good products to use on my skin and body.  Plus, it can afford me to give-the thing I want to do most. To create something that gives back, to donate to programs for the less fortunate, to support those that are out chasing their passions and to provide extra special things for my family and friends.  To travel the world and collect stories with my bestie.

I will be pondering this very question today to see what I come up with–What do I need to do to make room for money to flow into my life? What do I need to let go of?

And, I ask you–

What do you desire? What do you need to let go of to make room for something better?

What is Freedom?

Written July 4th, 2014. I thought this was fitting for the upcoming 4th of July Holiday-Enjoy.

I contemplated on the thought of freedom all week and took an introspective approach to what being free meant to me.  Our “monkey minds” are the only things that hold us captive in today’s world. All we need to do is shift our thinking to a more mindful awareness and we are set free. Continue reading