Staring at a blank page, not knowing what to write about. The mind full of thoughts, none containing depth or wisdom that I want to share.
They are, what I refer to as, circling thoughts. Emotionally charged experiences from yesterday, last week, last year. Thoughts that are floating in and out of awareness, pictures of faces that crossed my path. Feelings that streamed through my heart. Gratitude, frustration, anxiety, joy, happiness, love-all these encompassed in thoughts circling in my mind.
All through my life, whatever I had, there always seemed to be something missing. I never fully appreciated what I already had-it was never enough. My job, marriage, friends, family, money, possessions, within all of these things whatever was already there, was never enough. I would think that by searching and seeking into the next thing, the next friend, the next job, the next experience, that my happiness would finally come.
I walked away from this writing before writing that. I cried. It was not out of tears of sadness, but of gratitude. I had the full realization that all that I ever wanted, or needed, I have it, right now, today.
I am surrounded by people who love me, I have a great job, I have awesome friends, I live in a city I love, my family is freakin amazing and my life is just how I had always wanted it to be.
For the first time, I think ever, I felt deserving of all of these things that my heart had yearned for. That’s the real reason why I cried. I realized I am worthy. I am worth my weight in gold -finally, I believe it.
How did I get here? How do others, find this place? What are the secrets to unlock the doors to this part of a journey? Questions to ponder, maybe with wise friends.