Expecting it My Way

When everything is rolling along, looking good, lining up as hoped for, I start to create expectations and narratives of how the future will play out.

Then, snafu, something unexpected happens, fear sets in and the narratives turn from sunny to dark. Turmoil starts in my mind and immediately, I want to retreat or lash out in angry frustration.

I am a princess in this way, wanting all to go how I had made it up in my mind. I want to be in control and “know” how things are going to roll out in its perfect way. I want to see how things are coming because this gives me a sense of security.

But, the Universe has  more wise way of rolling out my life and, as always, it has taken over the reigns. I was pouty and upset but this time, I am saying: ” Ok, then, fuck it, just take over, do what you want to do, you know best anyway, right? ”

I thought my part-time job would go a certain way. I thought when someone said, “I really enjoy getting together with you”, they would put an effort into getting together with you.

I fight these things to make them go my way. But, what if the Universe knows better. What if there is something better, waiting for me and the only way to get it is by letting go of expectations, my expectations.

I asked for the strength to let go today.

Love More Expect Less

Week 1 of my 6 week writing commitment down!  Its a day by day thing. Yesterday, I thought of my reward of going to Sundara spa and its like, keep at it!

“People don’t break your heart. Your expectations of them does.” Kyle Cease- Evolving Out Loud 2017

This statement really rang loud in  my consciousness when Kyle Cease said it on stage at the Evolving Out Loud event I attended.

Actually, this statement can be extended beyond love relationships to any relationship in your life.  There have been numerous times that I had expectations of how a friend, coworker or manager should act or treat me.  Then, when my expectations of behavior were not met, I got mad, hurt, feel betrayed.

It is my belief that everyone is out doing the best job that they can. Life can get overwhelming, a friend may be in a bad mood and snap at you. Does it hurt? Yes. But, instead of snapping back, what if we gave them space and came back to readdress the issue at a later date?  What if we settled our ego, (because of course our egos have been bruised), and approached them later with a sense of empathy and asked, “Was something going on that I can help you with?”

What about when we hold expectations of behavior when people are in a certain profession, lead a company or lead  country.  Aren’t these people human beings,walking life just like you, trying to figure things out the best they can?

Yesterday, I realized I hold certain expectations on friends, lovers, my son and family.  My old way of thinking has been that I need to shut them out of my life if they aren’t acting a certain way.

Today is a new day and I let go of expectations on behavior this morning in meditation.  I will love unconditionally.