When everything is rolling along, looking good, lining up as hoped for, I start to create expectations and narratives of how the future will play out.
Then, snafu, something unexpected happens, fear sets in and the narratives turn from sunny to dark. Turmoil starts in my mind and immediately, I want to retreat or lash out in angry frustration.
I am a princess in this way, wanting all to go how I had made it up in my mind. I want to be in control and “know” how things are going to roll out in its perfect way. I want to see how things are coming because this gives me a sense of security.
But, the Universe has more wise way of rolling out my life and, as always, it has taken over the reigns. I was pouty and upset but this time, I am saying: ” Ok, then, fuck it, just take over, do what you want to do, you know best anyway, right? ”
I thought my part-time job would go a certain way. I thought when someone said, “I really enjoy getting together with you”, they would put an effort into getting together with you.
I fight these things to make them go my way. But, what if the Universe knows better. What if there is something better, waiting for me and the only way to get it is by letting go of expectations, my expectations.
I asked for the strength to let go today.